'F**K THIS'...;)

When life hands you a bunch of "F**K THIS" action...'Wrap it up' and find a 'position' that's enjoyable;p ~Catlin~

Some People Are Like Hot Dogs...

Some people are like Hot Dogs...They taste damn good and can be safe in moderation...But inside they're a$$holes and a bunch of other crap that's not beneficial for your well being;)~Catlin~

Who I Am

I'm not perfect, made many mistakes, sure I'll make more..At least I can admit to and accept choices that I've made..When I apologize, I actually mean it..When I forgive, I do my best to forget and move forward..I'm kind to those who deserve it, a straight up bitch to those entitled..I love with all of my heart..And when necessary fight with all I've got...I'm stronger because of my weaknesses..If you don't like who I am, kindly eff off

‎Yesterday Peyton(my just turned 3 year old), Grady(my 1 1/2 year old), and myself were playing an intense game of 'Dragons'. It was once again my turn to play the screaming victim. I valiantly save Grady from Peyton the Ferocious of all 'Ferociousesness' dragons. Scurrying (at a nice toddler speed) and helpless as Grady was in my arms(growling w/all his might), Peyton swooped in and attacked us, accidentally pulling my shorts and skivvies down in her attempt to defeat me. Then she said, in a fierce dragon voice, "Niiice Buttt!" Dragons Rock ♥

Got S**T?!

When you have a surplus of s**t in your life, plant a garden and make it useful...Or, make some poop bombs to throw at the source that delivered it;) Point: Attempt to make the best of a sh**ty situation.

Extremely Relaxed...

Apparently muscle relaxers make me humm songs when I'm tired and half asleep, and also express (through mumbling sentences) my late night cravings for scrambled eggs and sourdough toast. I'm thinking that in this family, there is a very good chance I could become a youtube star (without my consent) if I continue to take meds...

Pursuing Happiness is like Potty Training

Our pursuits of happiness are like potty training...Successfully reaching the goal is worth all of the messes you have to clean up along the way. And if you've been cleaning up and dealing with someone else's s**t for a long period of time, every step towards no longer have to do so, surely will bring some happiness;)~Catlin

Pull Your Head Outta Your A$$

The people that are worth a damn, are typically the last to leave you and the first you want back when(if)you remove your head from your bung...Tip:Do what it takes to keep the ones that matter most, in your life. ~Catlin

A Toddler's Plea-Location...Time Out

My almost three year old daughter called Jessie the Cowgirl (Toy Story-she LOVES her) on an imaginary phone from time out today, this was what she said: "BEEEP (guess she got Jessie's answering machine;) Um Hi Jessie, I need your help! My Mom put me in time out for not listening AGAIN, I'm trapped and can't get out! You need to get Buzz and save me. Please call me back(pause)YO-DA-LAY-HE-WHO." Those were her exact words, she's not even 3 yet! OH EFFFFFF!

Sweet Dreams Dora!

So, I fell asleep on the couch watching TV last night (yeah, I know, Old Fart) and when my husband woke me up to go to bed I found myself wrapped up in my daughter's Dora blankie...I know that I'm somewhat demented and gross, more proof...I was delighted to find that Dora's face was cuddled up to my a$$ and I'm sure I likely farted in my sleep, right in her mouth;) How do you say 'paybacks' in Spanish?

Poop Soup

Know what's amazing? When your 17 month old craps in the tub while bathing w/your 2 year old, you panic to quickly save them from attack of the floating turds, rescue is followed by shower in Mom&Dad's bathroom, must leave house immediately to make it to older kid's baseball game, you forget about turd infested tub, come home to poop soup bath in need of cleaning. Even more amazing..than the time Michael Jackson came to my house to use the bathroom;)

Neighborhood Porn

On a nice lil' walk w/ the fam tonight & discovered the people that live 2 houses down like porn so much they not only like to share their passion for fine film w/anyone passing by-via ginormous TV and blinds completely NOT closed-but they also have it playing in the upstairs room with curtains wide open, simultaneously w/downstairs showing.. Next walk, popcorn and lawn chairs. Oh, and blindfolds for the kids;)

Walking Farts

Sometimes a 'rough day' can be compared to walking behind an elderly man that has a hard core case of the walking farts...You may gag a little, but laughter is the best option. ~Catlin~

Happiness

I don't think there's any sound that makes me happier than my kids' laughter...No, not even a fart;)

Vaccinate your children, just in case they decide to attack;)

My two year old is has apparently decided to make a habit of growling at me when she gets in trouble...Awesome. At least she's current on all vaccinations, just in case she decides to attack.

Quasi Arachnophobia

Pretty sure that when a spider is killed (and this is quite obvious when its body consists of approximately 7 unattached pieces which are floating around in the toilet)the chances of it leaping out of the toilet onto your a$$ are VERY unlikely...So why can I not even sit on the seat to pee until the toilet has been flushed and not one lil' piece of the spider is left behind? Even then,I check mid pee to make sure a leg didn't sneak back up to the toilet bowl...

WTF Is Chillin' Under Your Couch Cushions?

Let's play a game, having children or a messy co-habitant is a plus. Oh, and you can only play if you tend to forget to clean under your couch cushions for at least an entire month or longer. Game: WTF Is Chillin' Under My Couch Cushions. My results: Enough cookie crumbs to make an entire cookie, about half a box of dry cereal (pretty sure, compliments of my 16 month old), Mr.Potato Head's arm, a couple of crayons, and an item that I couldn't determine whether it was a dry booger or...something else.

More joys of parenthood;)

‎Today for lunch my 16 month old had a burger, cut into lil' pieces of course. He happily sported just a diaper while eating, attempting to avoid messy clothes and because that's how the cool babies roll;) Many times, when adhering to this routine of almost naked dining, bits of food fall into his diaper. When he'd finished his lunch, I take his diaper off to put him into the shower, and a piece of hamburger rolls out onto the floor. I casually pick it up to throw away and discover, it's a turd. AWESOME.

A few bits of advice;)

Good advice is like a condom...Sometimes, if you choose to not use it, things could get messy...beyond what can be simply cleaned up with a towel or a T-shirt;)



Life is your dance floor...Have fun, get down with your bad a$$ self, and don't give a shat about who might be watching. If they have mean things to say or don't approve, they're likely jealous of your sweet moves;)



Our lives are not a dress rehearsal, we only get one shot...
So take the stage, don't be afraid, and give it all you've got.



~Catlin~

Life Is Like A Diaper

Life is like a diaper...When full of s**t, it's hard to remember how grateful we should be for its existence.~Catlin~

One of Those Days

Dear Today-So far you've brought raging headache, hurt wrist while splitting kindling, star role in fake commercial for stupid trash bags that break (I was the chick carrying the bag down the stairs then comes the part where slow motion starts-handles break,bag falls,trash spills...but nobody cuts out the part when I yell OH S**T),& a few other bits of lameness...I know you could be worse, but could you get a lil' better?!

Cat's Rhyme Time Reviews

Movies out on DVD this month:

YOU AGAIN

Females in battle due to mean and catty acts from their High School Days…
Not super funny, but it’s kind of cute in a “chick flick” sort of way.
Betty White and crazy stalker guy are the best parts of this movie, I think…
Kristen Bell’s charm and Odette Yustman’s hotness contribute to making this film not completely stink.
Sigourney Weaver and Jamie Lee Curtis also go to war…
Only it’s with each other not Aliens, or joining forces with Activia to make people poo more.
Will hormones and bitchy behavior be defeated, will they all be friends…
Or will PMS and Menopause prevail, leaving these women unable to make amends?
Of course you won’t hear the outcome from me…
It’s worth a couple bucks to rent, but a second time, this film I doubt I’ll see.

LIFE AS WE KNOW IT

A Romantic Comedy, a bit far- fetched, but brought some laughter…
Some accurate depictions of parenthood, with joy and disaster.
Katherine Heigl and Josh Duhamel’s characters initially don’t click, she’s a bit conservative and he’s a little wild…
Then tragedy throws them together to raise their deceased BFF’s child.
Dirty diapers and baby steps bring them closer, of course eventually they get it on…
Then a typical roller coaster, is it right or is it wrong?
I won’t tell you how it ends, will they stay together or file for joint custody…
Was worth a couple bucks to rent, but a second time, this film I doubt I’ll see.

Products:

The iPhone 4 is now available on the Verizon network…
My husband wants it so bad, his Droid fell out of his pocket and ‘conveniently’ broke, hmmm what a quirk;)

Neutrogena Wave makes my face feel pretty clean…
And it vibrates ladies, if you know what I mean;)
But if you choose to use it on more than just your face…
Make sure you use a cloth or something under it, to protect that “other place”.

The New "Revenge" Undergarment For Men

Attention Ladies:Looks like men finally got fed up with being deceived by Push Up Bras and all the other gadgets that provide a SURPRISE when they finally get your clothes off...Saw commercial last night, SlimTs for men...Sweet revenge, now if a guy has man boobs or a beer gut, they slap that baby on under their shirt and WHAM...Sexy Beast. YOU GO BOYS, get down with your awesome undergarment.